that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
