This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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