WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
