to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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