Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
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Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
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you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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