i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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