i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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