i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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