well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
