While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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