She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
vagina is talking i cant
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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