just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
