So drunk, too bad you don't want this
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
