His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
