she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
