i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
