me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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