never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
