I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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