I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
