so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
