New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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