she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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