Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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