she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
