Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
