the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
