Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
