evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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