I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
