I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
