My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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