I'm sorry my penis didn't work
now i know why i became what i already was.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I touched a dick in church today
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
