The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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