Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
