This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
