how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
