Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
