why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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