Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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