Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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