i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I had to cum in my sink.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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