Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she smelled like a LAN party
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
