I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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