My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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