how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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