He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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