How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
