I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
