I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Girls should come with a carfax report
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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