Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
