This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
