can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
