We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
