Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize