My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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