Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
