Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
