Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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