I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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