The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
