She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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