just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
