i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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