I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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