The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
