I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I have fence marks all over my body
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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