accomplished twins. life is a go
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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