Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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