Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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