why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I love you. Go after that dick
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
