Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Randomize
