Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
