He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
