you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
