i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
