all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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