You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Randomize
